Well, I Thought I Deserved a Free Cruise
A few years ago low-carb demi-god Jimmy Moore had an essay contest entitled “Why I Deserve a Dream Low-Carb Cruise to the Bahamas” that I entered with high hopes. I never heard back from Jimmy, but I did have fun writing the essay, which was based on my fabulous low-carb peanut-butter pudding recipe. Here it is:
~o~o~o~o~
I deserve a dream low-carb cruise to the Bahamas because, as I humbly submit and endeavor to prove below, I have performed a tremendous service for humanity. No, I am not referring to adopting my treasured cat from an animal shelter, snatching him from the jaws of certain death, housing him in opulent feline luxury and feeding him a healthy no-carb diet. I am also not referring to my thirteen years of heroic service enlisted in the God-blessed United States Navy as a Russian linguist, where I fought off the Red Menace day after day with little more than a pair of headphones and some primitive audio recording equipment.
No, these accomplishments, as selfless and humanity-serving as they are, do not warrant a dream low-carb cruise to the Bahamas. They are simply demonstrations of my generous character, and a way of putting into context my greatest contribution to the planet thus far:
A fabulous, easy, low-carb peanut butter pudding recipe.
Oh yes – it is not only possible – I have created it. Googling for such a treasure may have sadly left the multitudes empty-handed, but no longer. The low-carb peanut butter pudding craving masses may rest now in the knowledge that their quest is at an end – their cravings may finally be assuaged. And that is not all. For the recipe is easily adapted into a tasty peanut butter sauce, that can easily grace both ice cream and cheesecake, and still be worthy of its and my acclaim. O how I praise thy name, low-carb muse!
Like all geniuses, I must acknowledge that I stand on the shoulders of giants. This amazing yet simple recipe did not spring fully-formed from my head; nay, it is an adaptation (clever, if I might say so) of a conventional and rather unremarkable recipe found by chance, lying virtually unnoticed in the deep and dusty recesses of the great Kraft Foods on-line recipe archives, probably rarely visited and little loved. It shone forth to me, however, like a glinting gold nugget swirling around in California creek gravel and cold, clear Sierra Nevada snowmelt. Moved by fate, I sensed its inherent potential and snatched it up, eager to explore what I now realize were its mythic low-carb dessert possibilities.
I hardly remember the day, now, when fate brought the unimproved recipe to me; however, it little matters. The recipe in its current form has been enhanced far beyond its humble sugar and Cool Whip origins. My low-carb forge has tempered its peanut butter and ricotta steel, and it shines forth brightly now, forevermore cheering those benighted souls who never dreamed they would see the day a fabulous and versatile low-carb peanut butter pudding recipe would exist on God’s green earth. I am grateful, and humbled beyond words, to have been the conduit for this quantum leap in low-carb peanut butter pudding recipe innovation. It is for this great service, and this service alone, that I deserve a dream low-carb cruise to the Bahamas.
Uncategorized | Angel | 
October 15, 2011 11:16 am
Subscribe